Can I Be Your Memory?
by rumpelstiltskinsmagic
Summary: While everyone else in Storybrooke goes back to the Enchanted Forest, Emma is thrown back to Boston with no memory of Henry or anything that came after him knocking on her door. The only person who can bring her and her memories back is her true love. The only problem is, she doesn't remember that she loves him, and he had a hard enough time romancing her the first time around.
1. Chapter 1

It was a surprise to everyone the day Leroy came barreling down the street, waving his arms in the air and shouting about beans. Killian didn't have a clue what the dwarf was going on about, but he kept his mouth shut because he'd promised Emma he'd try to do better about shooting off crude remarks in public. He was _whipped_ as Henry had jokingly called it one day, even if he hadn't quite understood the term at first and thought the boy was alluding to something violent.

But apparently, after scouring the seemingly desolate stalks, the dwarves had discovered that one bean had gone untouched, unbeknownst to the Queen, of course, who thought that she'd succeeded in destroying them all. And now they were planting it in an attempt to get back the crop of them that they'd had before because apparently, everyone wanted to go _home_.

Home was not a place for Killian, however. Home was a person. Emma. Wherever she was, he would be there, and if she wanted to go back to the Enchanted Forest, then he was going to go with her. Once they'd returned from Neverland some months before, she'd taken her sweet time in letting him know how she felt, but the important thing was that she did tell him. She chose him, and suddenly, his whole world was filled with hope again.

It was three and a half weeks ago to the day that she told him she loved him for the first time, and damn, did it take him by surprise. He couldn't have been happier to hear it, though, and every day since then he'd said it to her at least a dozen times because he liked hearing her say it back. It had been far too long since anyone had told him they loved him, and he was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that the one who was doing it now was Emma Swan.

She'd come clean with everything, too. Told him about growing up in foster care, being sent back when families didn't want her, and eventually about how she met Neal and what exactly happened between them. He told her about his childhood, his time spent in the Navy, Liam's death and how that was the start of his life as a pirate, and even about Milah. He'd never been more honest with anyone in his life, but it didn't scare him anymore because Emma could always soothe any fear he had, reassuring him that what they had was real and that she wasn't going anywhere.

Charming was thrilled to hear about the beans being grown again, as he was still eager to get back to their realm as soon as they possibly could, especially given their recent trip to Neverland. The town rallied behind his decision, packing bags and making plans, and even Henry was excited, but Emma still wasn't convinced it was the best choice. She didn't see how they could live there in the state it was in or how they could feasibly rebuild everything to the way it once was, but as usual, her parents just kept spitting out their optimistic mantras at her.

Killian knew it irritated her, and though the topic of going back was being avoided between the two of them, he couldn't help but bring it up one night.

"You know the boy wants to go, darling."

"I know, but he's expecting a lot more than he's going to get right away."

"Henry's got quite an imagination. He'll be fine, Emma. The question is will _you_ be fine?"

"I can't just let my family go off without me. I can't lose them again."

"They wouldn't go without you, and you know that."

"I won't be the reason they don't go home." Emma couldn't think of the Enchanted Forest as her home. Not yet.

"So you'll go with them?" He needed her to finally admit it to herself.

"I…I mean, you'll come, too, right?"

She looked so afraid that he wouldn't that he blurted out his answer right away. "Of course I'm coming with you. What the bloody hell would I do here by myself?"

Emma rolled her eyes but cracked a smile in the end, and that was that. She'd finally made her decision.

Now, here they were, everyone standing in groups, one person in each holding a bean. Should they ever want or need to return, Storybrooke was being protected from the outside world again and would continue to be there.

The only hitch in this otherwise happy occasion was Regina. She was none too happy about the fact that the Charmings would once again be in power and ruling the kingdom. Despite how far she'd appeared to have come after Neverland, she still wanted the title of Queen for herself. David suggested that they keep a close eye on her, and Emma reasoned that they would have to do so without locking her up because Henry believed in her and believed that she was going to leave them all alone.

That was her mistake.

Killian stood there in between Henry and Emma, waiting for Charming to throw the bean into the water so that they could jump, and it never even occurred to him that something could go wrong. Emma was finally at peace with leaving this world behind, and things between them were better than ever. This was going to be good for them - for _all_ of them.

And then the next thing he knew, Emma was grabbing his hand, and they were falling forward, down into the portal. In a split second, it was over. He was standing on solid ground again, and Henry was on his knees beside him.

"You okay, lad?" Killian asked, reaching down to help him up.

"Yeah, but where's my mom?"

The question sent a pang of alarm through the pirate as he realized that Emma was no longer holding his hand…or even standing anywhere near him. Charming and Snow stood a few feet away, looking around as well when they realized their daughter was no where in sight.

"She must have ended up somewhere else?" Snow hoped.

"But she was holding my hand." Maybe she let go?

"Well, we'll find her. Snow will come with me, and Henry, you go with Hook," Charming instructed, wasting no time because they had a lot of ground to cover.

Except they never found her. They searched for hours, but there was not even an inkling that Emma had ever made it through the portal. So there was only one thing to do now: find Rumpelstiltskin.

No doubt he and Belle had made their way to his castle, and Charming didn't even bother knocking when they arrived, just barged right in, yelling to announce their arrival until Gold appeared in front of them.

"Trouble already?" he asked, sounding far from surprised.

"We don't know where Emma is or if she made it through the portal. We just want you to help us figure out where is." Snow had held it together rather well so far, but she was close to her breaking point. She couldn't lose her daughter again.

Surprisingly, he didn't protest or make any deals with them this time, just pulled out the globe, pricked his finger, and watched as it lit up red with the location of the Swan girl.

"Well, it seems that Emma has found herself back in Boston."

"How is that possible?" Henry asked, eyes widening, head shaking in disbelief.

Killian only knew what Boston was because Emma had told him she lived there before coming to Storybrooke. Which meant she was still back in that world and something _had_ gone wrong.

"I suggest you speak with Regina if you want an answer to that question," Gold said with a shrug, for once completely oblivious to the unfortunate event that had fallen upon them.

Charming could feel his blood boil at the name, knowing without a doubt that she had to be behind it. Who else could it be if it wasn't Gold?

"Let's go then." Killian was the first to speak up, knowing that every second they just stood there was another second that Emma was alone and away from them, and he needed to get her back.

Per Charming's request, Snow took Henry and left the men to deal with Regina because it was hard enough for the boy to not have Emma without having to be there to listen to Regina talk about what she did to her.

* * *

"Oh, it's you two," Regina sneered in greeting, rolling her eyes and fully expecting them to berate her because she was well aware of what she did.

"I am only going to ask this once, and you better give me the truth. Did you send Emma back to Boston?" Charming asked, maintaining a calm demeanor for the time being, but if she so much as tried to deny it, he was going to lose it.

"Emma? What? No, I thought you were going to ask me about…" she trailed off, lips parted in surprise when she realized what happened. "Wait, Emma's gone? And Snow is here?"

"Yes, Emma is bloody gone, and you better-"

"Hush, pirate. I didn't mean for Emma to go back to Boston, but if she's there, I can assure you that she does not remember you."

"What are you talking about?" Killian asked, fist clenched at his sides, hook behind his back to keep him from doing anything with it that he'd regret. Not that _he'd_ regret it, but Emma wouldn't be happy with him. Emma. Who was a million miles away from him.

"I cursed the bean you used to keep Snow in Storybrooke, but I tried something new and mixed it with a memory loss spell. I guess it didn't go quite as I had planned since Emma was the victim instead of her mother." Regina sounded very bored with the explanation and like she cared more about the fact that her spell had gone awry than that it had sent Emma away.

"Well, we'll go and get her and bring her back, and when we do-"

Once again, Regina cut Killian off, holding her hand up to silence him momentarily.

"You can't bring her back unless she retrieves her memories. She'll take one look at you and think it's Halloween." Her snicker made him bring the hook out.

"So how do we get her memories back?" Charming asked, once again trying that whole calm thing that he wasn't fond of. Oh, he'd be sure to flip out on her later for her intentions with his wife, but right now, they had to focus on Emma.

"I'm sure you'll find a way. After all, I think you of all people know how to break a curse." Cryptic enough to Killian, but Charming knew exactly what she was talking about. Without another word, Regina was gone, leaving the two of them standing there, feeling dejected and irritated.

Charming didn't say anything for a while as they walked back, and Killian tried to respect that he was _thinking_ or whatever he was doing, but it was driving him mad.

"Would you just tell me what's going on, mate?"

"You have to go."

"Of course I'm going to go, but what do I use to break the curse?"

"You can't _use_ anything, Hook. True love's kiss is what will break the curse and get Emma's memories back, and as much as I hate to admit it…" He trailed off, his point made clear. It was certainly not his favorite moment when Emma came to him and told him that she'd chosen Hook. Not that he liked Neal much after hearing the story of what happened between them, but still. It was obvious that Killian was the better choice, and Charming had even come to like him somewhat after Neverland, though that didn't mean he was good enough for his little girl. No one would ever be good enough, but Emma was fully capable of deciding who was good for her, and if she wanted Killian, then he would respect that.

Now it was Killian's turn to be quiet for several moments as he thought it over. True love? What if he wasn't Emma's true love and kissing her did nothing? What if he couldn't save her?

"But what if I'm not?" he finally asked, his voice quieter and more sullen than Charming had ever heard it before.

"You are. I see the way she looks at you and the way you look at her. She _chose_ you, and now you have to go and save her."

"And you think that I can?" It was actually humbling to have the support of Emma's father for once, to know that he trusted him to get his daughter back.

"You can do it. Trust me, mate."

They shared the smallest of smiles between them before it was back to business. They had to tell Snow and Henry.

Needless to say, Snow did not take it well. Henry, however, had all the faith in the world that Hook would bring his mom back to him because if there was one person who believed in their love more than they did, it was Henry.

In preparation for his trip, which Killian was admittedly nervous about, Henry drew him a picture of the Equestrian Statue of George Washington in the Boston Public Garden, telling him he should picture this while thinking about Boston so he wouldn't end up somewhere crazy. He also tried his best to tell Killian where Emma's apartment was and wrote down instructions, figuring that if she really did go right back to how she was before, that's where she'd be.

They also went to Gold, who was now doing things without expecting a favor in return because Belle wouldn't hear of him not helping them get Emma back, so that he could procure some _normal_ clothes for Killian. He was not thrilled at first, but if it was what he needed to do, he would do it. After insisting that he couldn't wait anymore, he _had _to find Emma _now _before his heart permanently split in two, they shoved some money in his pocket and began to say goodbye.

"Bring her back to us," Snow said, giving his shoulder a squeeze, tears welling in her eyes.

"Don't doubt yourself. You're the only one who can do this," were Charming's parting words.

The last person to see him off was Henry, and Killian crouched down to the boy's level. He was already overwhelmed with all the support he was receiving, all the kind words, and he knew whatever Henry said was just going to be the icing on the cake.

"She loves you, you know. It doesn't matter that she doesn't remember you right now. She'll fall in love with you again, just like David and Mary Margaret fell in love before they even remembered they were married." Henry had absolutely no doubt that Killian would succeed, and his optimism was contagious.

"I hope so, lad."

"Don't hope, _know_."

Killian nodded, ruffling Henry's hair as he stood up. "You're right. I won't let you down. Promise."

"I know you won't."

Killian had no idea what he was in for as Gold opened a portal for him, and he jumped into it. He figured he'd find her, kiss her, and just like that, she'd come back to him.

He didn't know that it wasn't quite that simple.

He didn't know the ride that he was in for.


	2. Chapter 2

She was just Emma Swan: orphan, bounty hunter, loner. Not a savior nor a mother. The gap in her memory was filled with what would have happened if on her twenty-eighth birthday, she would have blown out the candle and went straight to bed.

And now it was her birthday yet again, and she did the same thing she did every year - grabbed a cupcake after work, went back to her spacious yet empty apartment, and celebrated by herself. Before lighting her lone candle, Emma changed out of the dress she'd been wearing for work purposes and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, thinking maybe she'd go out for a drink if she felt up to it. Maybe she could find a guy to occupy a couple hours with so she wouldn't feel quite as pathetic drinking alone on the one day of the year you weren't supposed to be alone.

With a sigh, she used a match to light the candle atop her red velvet cupcake, large enough for practically an entire family to share, and leaned down to stare into the flame for a few moments. It was dumb to make a wish. Emma knew that. Because she wished for the same thing every year, and without fail, those wishes never came true. Alas, she did it anyway. She wished that for once, just once, she wouldn't have to be alone.

After blowing out the candle, she jumped about ten feet in the air at the sound of someone knocking on her door. _Who the hell could that be_? It was late, so she just assumed it must be a neighbor. Maybe they got a piece of her mail or something.

Abandoning her cupcake, Emma went to the door, wrenching it open without even bothering to check the peep hole to see who it was.

Needless to say, she was quite surprised to find that it was a very attractive man standing on the other side of her door. As far as she knew, he didn't live on her floor or even in the building, so what the hell he was doing there was way beyond her.

"Uh…can I help you?"

* * *

Killian landed ungracefully in the grass, shoulder smacking into the ground and making him groan. Thankfully, it was late enough that no one seemed to be around or paying any attention to him as he dropped in out of nowhere. Rolling onto his stomach, he sat up on his knees and looked around, recognizing some of the things that Henry had described to him, and he quickly pulled the piece of paper with the boy's directions out of the pocket of his black leather jacket. Not his long one, of course. They'd made him leave that behind in exchange for something more modern.

He was also wearing _jeans_, which Emma had tried to get him to wear several times to no avail, but now he had no choice, even if he still wasn't used to the material.

Standing up, he unfolded the paper and tried to make sense of it, wondering if he should just show it to someone and have them direct him, but he would prefer to not come across as the clueless-to-this-city pirate that he was. It took him longer than he cared to admit to get to the building that Emma supposedly lived in, and the name on it matched the name Henry had written down, so _finally_, he'd made it.

Going straight up to her door and knocking was far from the smartest plan Killian could have come up with, but he needed to see her. He needed to see that she was alright, safe, _alive_. If he had to wait around for her to appear outside, he would surely go insane.

His heart was hammering in his chest when she answered the door, and then it dropped into his stomach when he saw the look on her face. She really had no clue who he was. And he was _expecting_ it, but it still hurt. The smile she reserved for him was gone, replaced with a guarded expression laced with suspicion.

This was supposed to be their happy ending, and they had been ripped apart, thrown back to the beginning. There was no way this would be easy. Pre-Storybrooke Emma Swan had even more walls up than when he'd met her, and if she wasn't willing to let him in, he was screwed.

"_Emma_." The name slipped from his mouth before he could stop it.

"Do I know you?" she asked, looking more and more like she was going to slam the door in his face every second.

"Not exactly, but-"

"Then how do you know my name?" Emma crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow expectantly.

He _really_ should have thought this one through. But he was good at thinking on his feet. He could get out of this without hurting his chances with her. Somehow.

"I heard someone call you _Emma_, so I just assumed…" Killian tried with a shrug.

"And you followed me home? Were you at that bar tonight?" She'd been forced to make a scene, as usual, when the guy she was after attempted to take off. "Because if you're friends with that guy, I'm sorry, but-"

"No, no, I don't know him." Know who? Killian had no fucking clue, but he would play along. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Which _was_ the truth, after all.

Emma's expression softened at those words, like no one had ever said them to her before. He had to keep reminding himself that at this point in her life, she really hadn't. Besides Neal, maybe, for that brief stint before he broke her heart.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine," she finally said, her arms dropping to her sides.

"Okay. Well, that's all I wanted to know." At that point, he really didn't know what he should do, so he turned to walk away.

"Hey," Emma called after him, opening her door more, half standing in the hall now. "What's your name?"

"Killian." He turned around, pleased that she hadn't let him leave, but he tried to keep it off his face. "Killian Jones."

"You know, it's, uh, my birthday. If you want to come in, I have this giant cupcake that I really shouldn't eat by myself." She _had_ wished that she wouldn't be alone on her birthday, and this Killian guy was incredibly good looking, had an accent, and showed up at her door just to make sure she was alright. Was she really willing to let him walk away? She'd been planning on going out and seeking the comfort of a man anyway, hadn't she?

The invitation took Killian by surprise, and he did his best to not answer straight away as to not show his eagerness to be in her company.

"I would love to." His voice came out quieter than he expected, and he followed her inside, taking the smile she gave him as a sign that she hadn't just been asking to be polite. She really did want him to come in with her.

He hadn't given much thought to what her place would look like, but if he had, he would have imagined it much the way it was. Empty. It didn't only look empty, but it felt empty. It was quite large and filled with all of the necessary furniture, but there wasn't anything to distinguish it from any other apartment. Nothing that made it _hers_, like she was afraid to get too comfortable or attached.

Or maybe she just didn't have anything she felt that sentimental about. He didn't know which was worse.

And as he watched her flitting around the kitchen, Killian couldn't help but think that this wasn't how she should be spending her birthday. She should be with her family - her parents and Henry and _him_. Not like this, not remembering who he was or what he meant to her. But all the same, Killian wouldn't deny her the chance to spend her birthday with him if that's what she wanted.

He wouldn't let her be alone.

"Here," Emma broke him out of his thoughts, handing him a fork. "Dig in."

Truthfully, he'd never had a cupcake before, but he'd had cake at Granny's, so it had to taste similar.

"Thanks," was all he said for several minutes as they both just sat there at her kitchen counter, taking forkfuls of cupcake and using it as an excuse to stay quiet.

Emma was using that time to contemplate what she was doing. Was this guy really some silly birthday wish come true, or was he just a creep that followed her home? He seemed harmless enough, silently inspecting the cupcake on his fork every time he brought it to his mouth, fidgeting in his seat after she'd catch him glancing at her. If he'd planned something sinister, he surely wouldn't look so nervous, right?

"Tell me something," Emma started, breaking the silence at last and almost making him jump.

"Anything," he answered, putting down the fork and giving her his full attention.

"Why are you _really_ here?"

If only he could say.

"If you didn't believe my original response, then why did you let me in?" But she did believe him. He knew she did. She just didn't _want_ to believe that someone she'd never seen before could care about her - that _anyone_ could care about her.

"I just didn't want to be alone," she practically whispered, surprising herself with how vulnerable she sounded. "And for the record, I did believe you," Emma added, snapping her voice back to its usual tone.

Her reply caught him off guard, not having expected her to admit that to him - a stranger - after barely twenty minutes of sharing each other's company. Maybe Henry was right. Maybe the way they felt did transcend realms. Maybe she still felt a connection even when she didn't realize it.

Or maybe she would have reached out to anyone who'd showed up at her door that night. Perhaps there wasn't anything special about it being him at all.

"I'm sorry, that was-" Emma started to say, feeling uncomfortable now that he was just staring at her.

"No, it's okay. I just…you shouldn't have to be alone. On your birthday or ever."

Stupid, stupid, _stupid_. What was he doing? You don't say things like that to someone you just met. He was going to screw this up. He was going to…

Killian's eyes widened slightly when Emma leaned toward him, closing practically all the space between them. He had about a second to decide what he was going to do.

Turn his head and stop the kiss? Would it be right to let her kiss him? Well, why wouldn't it? He loved her, and if she was going to kiss him, wasn't that a good thing? Wasn't that what he wanted? But she wasn't doing it because of him, she was doing it because she needed to feel something, and he didn't want it to mean nothing, but Emma Swan was irresistible no matter what the situation was.

And so he let her continue to lean forward and press her lips against his. It was soft at first, and he didn't reciprocate because he knew what would happen if he did, but then Emma pulled at his bottom lip ever so slightly, urging him to put more into it. How could he not? Killian left the stool, coming to stand in front of her before tilting her head back and kissing her like his life depended on it.

A tiny twinge of disappointment shot through him when he realized that kissing her didn't bring back her memories, but he knew it wouldn't. Not until she realized she loved him.

Emma grabbed the collar of his jacket, keeping him close as she reciprocated, her tongue seeking entrance and receiving it immediately. She was no stranger to kissing a guy she'd only just met. It was infinitely easier to sleep with someone who had no interest in anything except sleeping with you. No commitment, no attachment, just sex and the release she needed. And Killian had just shown up at her door, so she was simply taking advantage of a very, very unexpected birthday present.

He shouldn't still be kissing her. He should be wishing her a happy birthday and leaving before this went too far like he knew it would. But he was so happy to have her back that it was impossible for him to pull away, even when he felt her hands under his shirt, fingertips roaming over his stomach.

Emma started pulling him by his belt loops as she backed up, clearly intending on leading him toward the bedroom, but Killian still didn't protest, trying to tell himself that this could only help, even if he knew better. She didn't care that it was him. She didn't know that he wasn't just some random guy who couldn't say no to a beautiful woman but the man who loved her more than anything else in the world.

No. He couldn't sleep with her when she didn't remember that she loved him. When he couldn't _tell_ her that he loved her.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he grasped her wrists one by one and pulled them away from him. "I should go."

"What?" Emma was clearly confused, eyebrows knitting together and creasing her forehead. This guy had followed her home, and he didn't even want to sleep with her? "Why? You don't want to…"

"I hope you have a wonderful night, Emma. Happy Birthday."

She watched him walk away, toward the door, reach for the handle, and then…

"Wait!"

His hand froze, but he didn't turn, didn't want to look at her because then he'd surely be unable to leave.

"I'm sorry. That was stupid and forward, and you were just being nice." She was by his side a few seconds later, leaning against the wall next to the door and looking up at him sadly, obviously feeling terrible that she'd caused him to want to leave, even though leaving was the very last thing he wanted to do. "We could watch a movie, or if you're hungry, I can order a pizza?"

Emma couldn't explain why she wanted him to stay, except for the obvious reason that she didn't want to be alone. She couldn't explain why she felt so drawn to him, but she knew that she was, and she couldn't just let him walk out without any way for her to contact him again.

"Please, Killian."

The sound of his name leaving her lips was all it took to crumble his resolve. Not to mention, she was practically begging him to stay because she didn't want to be alone on her birthday, and it absolutely killed him because she shouldn't even be there at all.

With a nod, his hand fell back to his side. "Yeah, let's watch a movie."

Killian refrained from kissing her again, as much as he wanted to, and he spent the entire movie with his arm around her shoulders, thinking about all the nights they'd spent like this, whether it was just the two of them or including Henry. She fell asleep on him toward the end, and he didn't have the heart to wake her, so he just let himself drift off as well.

It was not the evening that he imagined; it was far better.

Unfortunately, he was in for a completely different Emma in the morning, and he'd have to let her go all over again.


End file.
